I miss my baby!

I miss my baby when she is gone.  You see her father and I are seperated (hopefully divorced soon) and we “share” the kids.  We each have them for a week at a time.  While I agreed to this in the begining I then changed my mind.  I wanted them with me all of the time, I wanted them to be with their mother who can be there to pick them up everyday after work.  Their father can’t, he tries but his work schedule won’t always allow it so his mom occasionally picks them up.  I picked a custody battle with their dad and he fought back.  At the result is that while we are both good parents he may win out in the battle because he is 2 blocks from the school they go to, blah blah blah.  I think that young kids should be with their mothers as long as that person is a good person and is a good mother!  And young girls should be with their mother, I would love to see their dad explain female issues to them when they ask.  While I won’t say he ‘s not a good dad, they should just be with me.  I can’t have my girls visit me, I am their mother!  So with the possibility of losing a custody battle I am settling, I am settling for seeing my girls every other week for a week at a time.  While not optimal, this is the least I will accept.  And I understand it is not what I was fighting for, I wanted them with me all of the time.  I wanted to make sure they had stability, they knew who was picking them up everyday, they have structure, and they have a good meal on the table everynight.  I know he tries his best but chicken nuggets and french fries are not the best to be giving kids all of the time.  No this is not the situation I would like to see but these are the cards I am dealt. 

Its just a weird feeling that every other week I’m a mom and the other weeks I’m not.  Last week I had to have them to the babysitter on time for Hayden to be picked up by the bus, I had to make lunches, I had to pick them up from the babysitter on time, I had to make dinner, I had to do homework, get baths, get to bed, grocery shop, laundry, etc.  This week I can do what ever I please, come and go when I want, stay at work late, don’t even have to make dinner if I want (although the other half may not agree with that).  I have no responsibility this week to my girls, they are their dad’s.  These are the weeks I don’t have to be mom!  While on one hand kind of fun the other hand sad!  Its fun for a minute to take a break from the hustle and bustle but then I realize they aren’t there!  The worst is at night that they aren’t there to hug, kiss, and tell them I love them and tuck them in their beds.  And then to not be able to wake them up in the morning and do it all over again.  The worst is to think that if this doesn’t all pan out with the custody, I may only have them one night a week and everyother weekend rather than the every other week I at least have now. 

I especially miss Hayden.  My oldest, Sydney, is 6 going on 16 and is just like me (my mom finds it hilarious).  She is the type that doesn’t need anything from me, she is miss independent.  She was 6 weeks premature and hasn’t stopped yet.  She is my social butterfly, and doesn’t care who she is with or where she is at she’s happy.  Hayden on the other hand is the opposite, she’s the one I want to proctect, the one that needs help and looking after and hard for me not to have with me.  Its hard because even though she is almost 4 it is like she is still 2 just in the way she is and acts and does things.  And she’s my baby, she’s my yougest.  (It is fun to try to explain to a 6 year old that she’ll always be my baby no matter how old or how big they get, she kind of doesn’t get it). 

While I do take advantage of the weeks I don’t have them and it is a break from the hustle and bustle of it all I would rather have them with me.  But like I said these are the cards I’m dealt at this time and I just wait till I have them with me again to hug and kiss and tell them I love them.


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